Grocery shopping is just not as exciting as it used to be. There are so many strange and interesting characters who go out of their way to make sure your shopping experience is uncomfortable. Top 10 reasons the Shiznit is too through! There could be more, but we are limited to 10. If you think we missed something let us know!
The Rule Breaker is here to stay. The rule breaker is that idiot with 52 items who insist on getting in the 15 items or less line. Who the hell do you think you are? It’s not that they can’t read, they just insist that they are going to have faster service regardless.
The Segregationist is the second most annoying person at the grocery store. Who is the segregationist? Oh, my friends you know him/her very well! It’s that person in front of you in the check-out line, who will have a fit, if your food is within 5 inches of theirs. So what do they do? He/She/It slams down that plastic stick that is used to separate orders from one another, like you don’t have common sense to get it yourself. Imagine this, Rutherford in front of you has $100 worth of groceries, meanwhile you have a soda, pack of Trident, and mini bag of chips. Rutherford just can’t stand the thought of accidentally having your $2.25 order standing side by side with his order, so the OCD victim slams down said plastic stick in protest. Why, because segregation is still alive and well! Dr. King is so disappointed.
Re-stockers get on my nerve for two reasons! A.) Because they never re-stock the stuff we grocery constituents want and need, and b.) Because they wait until the busy hours of the day to restock. They are in your way, but yet they somehow manage to make you feel like it’s the other way around. They are looking at you like, “I know you see me with all my boxes here, and you have the nerve to come down this aisle wanting flour and sugar!”
The Love Dr. lives and works at the grocery store. I wanna make love in this grocery store. Not! Usher did not sing it that way. So if you work at a grocery store stop trying to hit on people. No one in truth wants to date someone who works at the grocery store. Think about it. I know it’s decent that you have a job, but you just aren't on the level of the shopper. Which is why you work there, and they shop there. It’s not a meeting ground for future couplehood. Imagine Sarah a partner at a law firm dating, Brice from the meat department. Stop sprucing up your uniform with nice shoes and jewelry.
The Cart Racer is on his/her way to getting slapped. There are always about 10 of these idiots in a grocery store at any given time. The fool is about to run you over trying to get to the soup aisle. So what do they do, they ride their cart so close to your rear, that when you stop, there is a major collision with you and the metal battering ram.
Jesus loves the little children, all of the children of the world! Red and Yellow, Black and White, they are precious in his site. Jesus loves the little children of the world. Well I ain't Jesus! I am of the mind that the grocery store is no place for kids, kinda like the liquor store! So please leave Man Man and Tee Tee home. Even if you have no sitter, I would rather you stay home and starve. These people are always in the way with their strollers, or the world famous child cart. You know the one, with a fisher price children's truck attached to the shopping cart. You look like an idiot. So does little Tommy.
The Constant Dropper should be banned from the grocery store. The constant dropper acts as though they never heard the phrase you break it, you buy it! Once they drop the glass jar of salsa/ or cheese spread they look at you as if you are going to take the fall for them. I know people with MS, Parkinson’s, and tremors that have a better grip on breakables than the constant dropper.
The Segregationist is the second most annoying person at the grocery store. Who is the segregationist? Oh, my friends you know him/her very well! It’s that person in front of you in the check-out line, who will have a fit, if your food is within 5 inches of theirs. So what do they do? He/She/It slams down that plastic stick that is used to separate orders from one another, like you don’t have common sense to get it yourself. Imagine this, Rutherford in front of you has $100 worth of groceries, meanwhile you have a soda, pack of Trident, and mini bag of chips. Rutherford just can’t stand the thought of accidentally having your $2.25 order standing side by side with his order, so the OCD victim slams down said plastic stick in protest. Why, because segregation is still alive and well! Dr. King is so disappointed.
Re-stockers get on my nerve for two reasons! A.) Because they never re-stock the stuff we grocery constituents want and need, and b.) Because they wait until the busy hours of the day to restock. They are in your way, but yet they somehow manage to make you feel like it’s the other way around. They are looking at you like, “I know you see me with all my boxes here, and you have the nerve to come down this aisle wanting flour and sugar!”
The Love Dr. lives and works at the grocery store. I wanna make love in this grocery store. Not! Usher did not sing it that way. So if you work at a grocery store stop trying to hit on people. No one in truth wants to date someone who works at the grocery store. Think about it. I know it’s decent that you have a job, but you just aren't on the level of the shopper. Which is why you work there, and they shop there. It’s not a meeting ground for future couplehood. Imagine Sarah a partner at a law firm dating, Brice from the meat department. Stop sprucing up your uniform with nice shoes and jewelry.
The Cart Racer is on his/her way to getting slapped. There are always about 10 of these idiots in a grocery store at any given time. The fool is about to run you over trying to get to the soup aisle. So what do they do, they ride their cart so close to your rear, that when you stop, there is a major collision with you and the metal battering ram.
Jesus loves the little children, all of the children of the world! Red and Yellow, Black and White, they are precious in his site. Jesus loves the little children of the world. Well I ain't Jesus! I am of the mind that the grocery store is no place for kids, kinda like the liquor store! So please leave Man Man and Tee Tee home. Even if you have no sitter, I would rather you stay home and starve. These people are always in the way with their strollers, or the world famous child cart. You know the one, with a fisher price children's truck attached to the shopping cart. You look like an idiot. So does little Tommy.
The Constant Dropper should be banned from the grocery store. The constant dropper acts as though they never heard the phrase you break it, you buy it! Once they drop the glass jar of salsa/ or cheese spread they look at you as if you are going to take the fall for them. I know people with MS, Parkinson’s, and tremors that have a better grip on breakables than the constant dropper.
The Newbie who doesn't know sh*t. No matter what you ask the Newbie they don't know. Why? Because he/she just started. Where is the bathroom? I don't even know, I just started! So you mean to tell me you haven't peed all day. You just held it out like a soldier. Get the "F" outta here, you virgin!
The Sale Hog is just plain greedy. I like the next person love Minute Maid fruit punch, but just because it's on sale for $0.99 this week doesn't mean you have to get the whole stock of them, leaving everyone else with the tart lemonade. Besides, where are you going to store all of this juice Horse Head?
The Price Check shopper, has an eye for sales, a hand full of coupons! The price check shopper wouldn't be so annoying if they would just take care of this out of the line. They wait until they are in front of you to figure out a price. Then the dreaded blinking light has to be turned on. Had you known this would happen you would hath never lain all of your items out on the conveyor belt. S.O.B.!
2 comments:
How about the family shopper? They are usually of Latin decent, at least in my neighborhood. Is it necessary for the entire house to come together? How 10 lb. bags of rice do they plan on getting? It must be a lot. That's why you y tu hermano y tu hermana y tu tia y tio y tu papa y tu mama and the family of four that lives in the basement apartment had to come along!
Agreed Poncho! I guess it's true what they say about "It takes a village!" Aye yi yi!
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