Lazy Hustla

So it's that time of year when we give thanks! Most of you greedy retards will only eat until you have sugar diabetes. Have you ever stopped and consider giving a little so that some other unfortunate soul might be thankful. Of course not. Thank goodness here at the Shiznit we are givers. We have taken to helping out those in need this holiday season, and so that we don't come off as self righteous braggers, I will end it right there.

Now on to you selfish S.O.B.'s! Nothing burns me up more than that yearly request for can goods, for the needy. Why does this supposed good dead irk me so? I will give you two reasons. One people are hungry all year long, why load them up with the good stuff on the last Thursday in the month, then let them down on the last friday of the month and the days to follow. Have a heart!

Moving on to reason two, people always give away old stuff they don't want anymore. If you don't want a 5 year old bottle of brand x apple sauce, what makes you think someone else wants it. I know they are needy, but everyone has a cutoff point. Can you imagine Benji, the former janitor from Holy Cross Hospital, coming in to receive his care package, and it is loaded with year old goodies. Yummy! He can't wait to make a wish sandwich out of that moldy pumpernickle, and wait til he opens that can of two year old Corn. Surprise!!!!!!!, the corn has been in there so long, he now gets a free sip of Makers Mark Bourbon and a side of creamed corn. You little giver you, two gifts in one can.

Pepsi Break

OK I didn't want to break away from church week but I had to do it. There is too much to talk about, so we will get back to our praise and worship tomorrow.

Item numero uno: Beyonce's new CD. I likes! Perhaps I like the Sasha Fierce half of the album better than the Beyonce half. Nonetheless still a good effort. I didn't know what to expect. A lot sounds like she borrowed Prince's former band the Revolution. Perhaps she convinced Wendy and Lisa to strike up those instruments and help her out on her new album. So what makes her Sasha Fierce, is it that King of Pop glove that she is wearing? Or is it the double disc, which by the way I am of the mind that she could have fit all 11 songs on 1 CD? But I digress. However I now realize that I really don't dislike Beyonce as much as I thought. It's Kelly Rowland who we hate. She is the leach who hangs on to Beys proverbial ball's! Bey has done nothing but befriend this desperately seeking Susan. Sorry for all of the unkind words in the past Mrs. Carter or shall I call you Your Fierceness?

Numero Dos: Real Housewives of Atlanta. I am hooked, this has to have been the best Housewives of them all. I liked New York, but when I watch ATL I feel like I am at a family reunion, minus Kim though. I don't think she could come around trying to sing, and no one tell her. NeeNee is a favorite.

Numero Tres: Keyshia Coles show. Honestly they should change this to the Frankie and Neffy comedy hour. Somebody please donate a church outfit to Frankie. Please. I know this is supposed to be the last season, but they have to give Frankie and Neffy their own show. BET if you do nothing else for black people please give us more cowbell, in the form of Frankie and Neffy. Sadly for Keyshia they are ruining her career, because now I could care less about her Cd's I just want to see her mother say "Man down" and hear her sister curse somebody out every 15 seconds.

The Evils of Carnality!

Gluttony Envy Pride Greed Sloth Wrath Lust

As you can tell from today's topic someone who works for the Shiznit has started to enter the house of the Lord. To God be the glory! Is this a conspiracy of the Catholic Church to condemn all of our souls to eternal damnation. Here at the Shiznit we commit all of these sins on at least a weekly if not daily basis. Lets examine these sins, shall we?

Gluttony- The over indulging or over consumption of anything. Down with Thanksgiving Dinner you negligible gluttons. I have seen these gluttons walking around and they disgust me, with all of their over spending and over eating. Oh wait, that's my second plate of food. I thought they were talking about the ones with the 4th and 5th plates. My bad. I will just try and have one from now on. Oh these, I got these shoes like 4 years ago, I wear these old things all the time. I might give them to some unfortunate soul if I get a hole in the bottom. You get the point people.

Envy- Is definitely one of the worst sins on the list. The desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation. Haters beware, the lord hath his eye on you and he heard what you said about Michelle Obama's dress! But we have an even bigger issue people! Beyonce's new CD is coming out tomorrow and its guaranteed to be a lot of envious people on the sidelines, us included. Sure we will purchase the CD, but you already know how we do at the Shiznit. The world is doomed to die in the biggest flame of fire you will ever see! And we ain't talking about the California wild fires. No the lord holds a special place in his heart for lady B, which is why she is at the top, and the envious ones are at the bottom. But on the real I am going to need her to ease up off of the Ballads when she makes her fourth album "I was always a solo artist, with backup dancers!"

Pride- This can be tricky for my peeps because since the day we were born we were told to have pride and hold our head up,like Martin Luther King! Get back Lucifer, I rebuke you! Pride is the excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individuals recognition of the grace of God. I am starting to believe that life after Hollywood, ain't all that great. There's a lot of pride in that town. Kanye, you are going to have to do a little more than sing Jesus Walks!

Greed- You people thought the state of California was burning because of some mad arsoner! No that's just his majesty beaming down through extra hot sun rays reminding all of those millionaires to donate to us little folks sometimes. Thank you Lord!

Sloth- Flat out laziness. I would love to take the fall for this, but I blame America. They have made everything available to all of the Slothful Americans, legals, and illegals alike. We've been backed into a dark hollow corner of laziness. Especially DJ Anthology who hasn't written a blog posting in a couple of months now! Its real dark and lonely at the bottom Anthology!

Wrath- I don't know how to avoid wrath, but to relocate to some super friendly backwoods peninsula around 36 longitude, and 175 latitude, such as Happytown, Canada! If you live in a major city the fact is no matter how fly you are, how much money you make, and if your significant other has the best pimp juice in town, you are a doomed S. O. B. You are the meanest futhermuckers ever. Feel the wrath on Judgement day biatch!

Lust- Obsessive thoughts of sexual desires. Its safe to say that Mme. Editor in Chief is a regular luster. As a matter of fact she was lusting so much recently that the lord just went on ahead and blessed her with a lil sum'n sum'n to curve her appetite, so that she might enter into the kingdom of heaven. And we are not talking about a slice of pie, this was more like Banana's Foster. I'm guessing its safe to say that maybe there is space for Mme. Editor in Chief to blog eternally in the pits of darkness.

The Lord is my Sheperd, he knows what I don't have!

The Shiznit is dedicating this week to the Church. We've been enlightened to share our love of the lord with the fans, in a different but unique way. Shiznit Style if you will. I know that some of you are sensitive, but everything we do is in good positive spiritual fun. Also, thanks to the economy we don't have enough money to give Tithes & Offerings, so we figure if we give 10% of our blog time to the Lord it more than makes up for what we lack in the big gold plate.

Speaking of which, lets examine this whole tithing and offering situation. Word on the street is that we are supposed to give 10% of our earnings to the church. Now we aren't selfish, but when did the omnipotent start working in the form of dividends. What did they tithe with when there wasn't money? Someone let us know, so that I can start giving that way. The staff at the Shiznit are traditionalist and would like to tithe the historic and/or original way. Pass the Peas like we used to do!

Two Words

Wayne Brady! Get It. Still Amazed!

You know I realize now that I have spent the first half of my life underestimating people. Wayne Brady is one of those people who was forced to make a believer out of the Shiznit. Ladies and Gentlemen let me introduce you to the new side of Wayne Brady. Perhaps its his old side, that he is bringing to the forefront. Whatever the case his new CD is simply amazing. He doesn't try to hard, he is just a natural. Move over Jamie Foxx, theirs a new strip of bacon in the pan! The Highlights of the album are pretty much the whole damned thing! You decide.

Operation Celebration! Mission Complete

Yes.WE.DID! And if you are a part of the opposition and you are complaining today, kick rocks cuck-soccer, beat it!

For all of those that didn't believe me when I said he would devour the opposition, bite me.

To Sarah Palin, pig go put some lipstick on!

To John McCain, sorry you lost a second time, but at least this time it was to a better man.

To Black People, Mazel Tov, its a celebration b*tches, L'Chayim!

To all of the other masses who supported Barack, once you go black, you know the rest! Thanks for the turnout and whatnot!

To George Bush, have your sh*t out by January One!

To Joe Biden, enjoy the ride!

And in closing Obamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Oh and if you are not from DC, and you talk trash about Marion Barry, F you because he won another election last night as council member in the 8th Ward!

The Vote has been Baracked!

One half of the Shiznit has voted so far. Mme. Editor-in-Chief, went out at 6:42am with her seed and her younger brother. As some of the Shiznit's fans know, all of the above people are crazy and hilarious. We must have had the whole voting line about to pee on themselves from laughing. When we arrived at Oxon Hill Elementary (O-Hill Represent), the line was wrapped around to the back of the school. We had no choice but to get the jokes started and get a gym credit for hiking to the back of the school. As we are standing in line we have seen black folks from every walk of life come out. I know some of the men haven't come up out of their mama's basement in almost 20 years. It was so good to see Bubba N'dem, Man Man the pusher man, and Nikki the Ho of Babylon resurface!

The highlight of the voting was definitely supporting the first time voters. Who knew that they would be the laughing stock, simply because they were a FTV? So as I approached the line I ran into a girl from High School, who shall remain nameless, because I had no idea she was a first time voter. You know I always thought us Catholic School kids were so progressive, but I guess not. So she is in front of me and she goes up to get her card, and the people up front shout out, to the audience of about 300 black folks + kids, and says "We have another first time voter, lets cheer them on and give them a round of applause!" I die, literally. Once I come to, I picked my convulsing body up off the ground, wiped the tears from my eyes, and stopped laughing, I was able to cheer my fellow alumni on! But as I cheered, I thought to myself this was the same girl who was progressive enough to have not 1 but 2 babies while in High School, but this is her first time voting. But better late than never, is what we always say at the Shiznit, and she came out right on time for Barack! She probably voted for slots too, but that is a different can of worms for another day! Happy voting everyone.