When Doves Cry????

Time after time, after time, after time, I have received emails with the most disturbingly hilarious ghetto wedding photo's. Well today is no different. Today I received what I thought was an innocently tacky wedding photo shoot of a couple with bad haberdashery judgement.

The Bride

Quanette' Murdock is glamorous as she steps down the aisle in a White frock with what looks like big lollipops without the stick attached to the gown. I'm not talking your plain tootsie pop. No that is for lame Joe's. I'm talking huge Willie Wanka-esque rainbow swirl lollipops! Her bouquet (courtesy of the craft department at Michael's craft store) is laden with flowers that range from every spectrum of the rainbow.

The Groom

Man Man Robinson is so debonair in his rainbow colored vest to match the lovely pendants on the brides gown. What caps Man Man's look off is the rainbow colored tennis shoes that match the vest. Just when you think they had covered all of the patterns that could possibly end up on a shoe! Also who knew that sports shoes should ever show up at a wedding.

So as this affair is going on Man Man gets bored and starts texting people at his own wedding. But Nette' knows how to get his attention back. She lifts up her dress (bedroom style) and tells Man Man to come get the garter. The photo captures it all. The excited look on Man Man's face is a cross between I'm the champion and I am going to blow her back out tonight. I had to do a double take to capture that look on Man Man's face again, when all of a sudden I realized something. Man Man really is Latasha Robinson from across the street. No one warned me that it was a Lezzyfest! Not even the rainbows gave it away. I just shrieked in horror. This is what it sounds like when Doves Cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ignorance becomes insitutionalized!

OK, so here at the Shiznit we are big supporters of the whole HBCU network. Why? you ask! Well I will tell you. The Shiznit staff of two both attended HBCU's, one of us was fortunate to attend the esteemed Howard University, while the other not so fortunate staffer had to go to Morgan State University! Speaking of which, these two schools met up at the better schools homecoming for a showdown on the football field.

Now lets face it, Howard University has the best homecoming amongst all colleges and universities, not just HBCU's. I'm serious just ask the people over at Sport's Illustrated, they will tell you. However it doesn't mean that this renowned institute of higher learning is above opening it's doors to ignorance. Ignorance needs love too. So one of our staffers decides to attend Howard Universities Yardfest on Friday. No harm in that. Wrong!!!!!!!!! If you can get past the sea of nappy headed h*es and perpetrating Percell's, who never even thought about going to school, you just might run into some of the folks, who attend, had attended, and will attend.

Said staffer, met up with another alumni to take it all in. Since it was kinda chilly on Friday. Let me rephrase that. It was cold on Friday, the two alumni are bundled up in stylish jeans, boots, and jackets. However they had not received the memo that it was summer time on the yard. There were so many girls in shorts with boots. I don't know the last time a boot protected me from the winter Hawk, but to each his own. Ignorance is alive and well.

So on to lunch! So its a must to stand in line for fried fish and fries at the Real HU. While waiting in line there are tons of club promoters with bullhorns trying to persuade the younguns on the yard to attend. One club promoter stood out amongst the crowd. How could he not as he spoke the words "All you real n*gga's come out to club Fur. My New York N*gga's! My Trini N*gga's! Big up my Trini N*gga's! Ladies get at me if you wanna party with real N*gga's!" What better place to find a N*gga than at an institution of higher education. I was quite frankly embarrassed because I had no idea that I had gone to school with n*gga's. That I had come back to meet up with a bunch of n*gga's! Can you imagine what the line must have looked like at Fur that night. N*gga's running wild. Ignorance 101 at an HBCU! So I get my fish and my mind is now off of the most ignorant n*gga on the yard, out of nowhere I hear this raspy singing. Is this brother choking on wind? He is killing my ears, but people are clapping for him. "Other alumni, hold my fish please!" I go to catch a glance, and it's none other than no shape-up heartthrob, Terrance Howard! I love T. Howard, but he is ignorant enough to believe he can sing. His singing is like Terrance Trent D'arby with the flu! Master guitar player, who knew? Singing sensation, N*gga please!

When I think it couldn't possibly get any worse, I decide to go to the bookstore to purchase some Howard tagged items. Imagine my chagrin when I rise to the second floor and none other than Howard University's own Omarosa Manigault is conducting a book signing. So I am happy for her because she has been given the short end of the stick by public media. I debate with myself over whether I buy the book, or not! Not! The book was titled The Bitch Switch! This n*gga done lost her mind. So I go back downstairs and "Browse" when I keep hearing this loud mouth boy, who refuses to shut up. He wants to be seen so bad. Who is it? None other than Roll Bounces own Brandon T. Jackson. I can only imagine how jealous you guys are that you didn't get to see him, considering how popular and well known he is in Hollywood. I start thinking to myself, "I truly am surrounded by n*gga's, maybe I should have gone to Morgan State University! Ignorance is institutionalized! Now can I please go back to my life without a bunch of n*ggerdom!

Let me clear my thoat? (Pun intended)

Exsqueeze Me, can you please stop playing word games? Seriously there are some folks out there who should be banned from the English speaking world. Have you had a conversation with a co-worker and you walked away wondering what East African dialect of Arabic they were speaking? Well I have news for you, they were speaking English. Was it proper? Nah! Did they put a lot of effort into it? Hell yeah, Didn't you hear how they said Shaushage with conviction? If you are wondering what a shaushage is....so begins our discussion.

Food for thought:

Shaushage's can be found in almost any supermarket across the globe (especially the US and Germany). You and I know them as sausages, but Tobias refuses to pronounce his S's without an h, so there you have it, Shaushages! But they are indeed tasty.

Moving on to our next word: Panny Cakes! Because you just simply can't eat shaushages without Panny Cakes. To hear an adult talk about the joy they experienced while eating panny cakes and shaushages makes me wanna run in my pantry and pull out the big bottle of Mrs. Butterworths surrp.

Which brings me to Debbled Eggs! What is a a debbled egg? I have been offered debbled eggs so many times, but I kindly turn the host down because I only eat deviled eggs! Once you start debbling them I get turned off, because there isn't enough manayse.

Politically Speaking:

Its sad to say that although I am voting for Barack Obama I am learning to love Sarah Palin. Why? Because she's a Mavericky Mavericking Maverick, I look forward to Tina Fey mocking her for the next 4 years on SNL, and because she always reminds us about Nucular energy. I know that some of you might only be familiar with Nuclear Energy, but it's about time you step up your Nucular game. Where does Nucular energy exist, I don't know. Maybe its the outer rim of Nuclear energy.

Say my Name, Say my Name!

So I am sitting at my 9-5 when lunch hour falls upon me. So I do the usual go pick something up to eat and return to laugh it up with my folks. We get into a hot and heavy discussion about movies we love. And of course the uneducated bunch always bring up how much they love Friday (a movie which I never liked, but that's a different can'O worms). While in the midst of the conversation someone says, I just loved Frayzhon Love as Big Worm. Who the Eff is Frayzhon Love. I can recall a Faizon Love, but I didn't know he had a twin brother named Frayzhon, who played his stunt double in the movie.

The next victim of name fraud is Poor Donnie McClurkin. People have said his name wrong so many times that he fell down and did not get up. Donnie McClerklin, Donnie McKirklin. It's not that hard. (Mc-Clur-Kin)! Get it, Got it, good!

Which brings me to my all time favorite! Baskin and Robinson's. I don't know about you, but I have never purchased Ice Cream from that establishment. I prefer to get my sundaes from Baskin Robbins, although I believe Baskin and Robinson's just might have 42 flavors!

Past Perfect/Present Perfect

Flash back a couple of years when MTV was honoring Janet Jackson and they asked her brother's to introduce her. Low and behold they are really doing a good job, when all of a sudden the Gary, Indiana comes out of Marlon Jackson when he says "Janet, you all growed up now!" Growed up? Growed up, Marlon? I expect that from Randy Jackson, but come on Marlon. Grew is the past tense of grow. Not Growed! Same applies to Throw, the past tense is threw, not throwed.

So this Christmas season, if you open your mailbox and there is a free copy of word smart I & II, instead of a card know that its from the Shiznit with love. Changing lives one at a time. We are only giving out Cards to those who know how to talk.