Cornballs gettin' the Drawls

As I sit back and look at the state of Hollywood I just have to bow my head. There are so many cornball's in the industry and they are getting the drawls like its nothing. I can only diagnose this as an outbreak of Lunacy going around. Lets examine this situation:

Case #1 Ray J. He has been linked to quite a few, but is best known for his fling with Kim Kardashian. She just so happens to be dating the oh so handsome Reggie Bush, but sadly has Ray J. attached to her resume. Damn shame! What's worse is that Ray J. has a semi-hit out now so there are certain women who will be fooled into thinking that he is now eligible to get their drawls. Most recently Ray has been linked to Whitney Houston. This all but confirms my belief that Whit is still on that stuff. I know she looks good and all but I still see signs of Crackheadedness! So to all of the women in Hollywood remember, Ray J. is the cornball who is always and forevermore going to be known as "Brandy's Brother", he brought you the hit "Wait -A-Minute", and attempted to be thugged out by signing to Death Row Records. Do you want that kind of Lamo on your resume of Man Candy?

Case # 2 Nick Cannon. It just doesn't get any cornier. Yet he has somehow climbed up the Jacob's ladder and landed in the bed with Christina Milian, Selita Ebanks, and now allegedly Mariah Carey. One for sure sign that he is corny is that he is always proposing to somebody. What's the rush Nick? I mean does he carry extra rings around in his pocket just in case he might get lucky? For all you desperados out there who are dying to get married Nick Cannon is your man. He will wife you in a week. However, if you are anything like me, and thine eyes have seen the Glory of the coming of the Lord and Drumline, you know this is not a good look. Mariah I implore you to remember this is the same man who recorded the tune Gigalo, but did not have one pimp bone in his body as stated in said song!

Case #3 My Baby Daddy otherwise known as BD- I know BD sounds like some sort of venereal disease, however when you bestow this name on the father of your child that is the point. I have to say he was the real reason this topic came into fruition. I know you are saying to yourself, I thought you knew better Mme. Editor. Well every Salmon has to learn how to swim up stream. So anyhow he sends me a text last night that says "Thanks for the birthday shout out!" For a minute it took me for a loop because I know I didn't send him a birthday nothing. I was certain that there had to be an attack of lunacy going around. First of all I thought I told you to never contact me again. Secondly its been some years since I last said anything to you regarding the worst day of the year (his birthday). Lastly, that is how you got the name BD because I can't stand you and wouldn't wish you a Happy Birthday if Bobby Brown was threatening to kiss me with his twisted lips. Then it hit me, "Oh this is his stab at trying to be sarcastic!" Maybe? So I one up him in true ME fashion and respond with "Thanks for the parental support!" Needless to say I rolled over and went to sleep and he is probably still marinating on my text right this moment. Every time I think about the fact that Mr. Cornball got the drawls, I try desperately, though unsuccessfully, to give myself a roundhouse kick to the face.