Well sorry for the hiatus, but I am indeed back! And what do you know my return falls on a top 10 Tuesday. So last week I went to my cousin's graduation and thought that I would come up with a top 10 list of reasons why Graduations are fun. I know you are sitting around with that look of confusion saying huh! Believe I once hated graduations too, that is until they started taking place at entertainment arena's and serving food and beverage. So here is my list.
10. The Choir- Who needs Kirk Franklin and his family when you got the high school mass choir. The lead singer is always the big girl who can blow, and just so happens to be a graduate. So she stands out amongst the choir robes in a Graduation costume. Big Shaquan is singing her heart out when you feel a little mist on your face, then full out white water rapids. These tears are because you ain't been to chuchhhhhh in about 5 years and haven't had an emotional moment in so long. So after you finish feeling like an idiot for approximately one minute the song is about to close.
9. The Cook out- After every great graduation there is a meal to follow. Its a guarantee! You can consider this your first hot dog of the summer. And everybody likes the first hot dog of the summer even if they don't eat them the rest of the year. This is also the time when Aunt Sweet Pea breaks out her world class potato salad. Everyone loves it because its YELLOW and not WHITE like the grocery store (or like white people's potato salad). Uncle Lester has concocted his special blend of ice tea, that has an array of flavors (tea, citrus, vodka, rum, cognac) combined all in one jug. Uncle Les is a miracle worker. Big Mama is on the side complaining about how she is tired of cooking, although she hasn't cooked a damn thing since Man Man's graduation from job corp in 95'.
8. The Natty Dreads- As of 1997 all public schools mandated a charter that states: At least 45% of each graduating class will consist of a distinguished group of kids with locks. I just get a thrill out of putting a star next to the names in the graduation program of each child with a head full of locks. Just making sure the school has fulfilled their quota.
7. The Cool Kids vs. the Nerds- I love when the most popular kid in the school crosses the stage with the sound effects of thunderous applause, screaming groupies, and pride. However it never fails that he will be followed by that unknown soldier. Said soldier walks across the stage and there is complete and utter silence, because no one in the class knows him/her, and their family acts like they don't know them either. This proves my theory that No child left behind doesn't work.
6. The Valedictorian- I love this because graduation is the time when you realize the Valedictorian is not as smart as they seem. Or at least this is the case at public schools. You sit there and you wonder why the Salutatorian wasn't the Valedictorian and vice versa. You listen and you begin to think what was the criteria for this great honor.
5. Class Clown- What I love about the class clown is that he has been cutting up for four years, has committed himself to bringing laughter and sunshine to the lives of the student body, and usually cant stand the principal. Being that he can't stand the principal you know he is going to find a way to embarrass her when he gets his moment to shine on the stage. So Class Clown emerges onto the stage, Principal Johnson hands him his Diploma, shakes his hand, turns around to pose for the camera when........Silly Sam has hauled off and pushed her off the stage. Her faux doctorate style robe is up above her head and Sam has a solo picture with his thumbs up.
4. Guest Speaker- The guest speakers have become Stand up comics over night. They have some of the best jokes not yet seen on Comic View. Who knew you could mix Comedy and Education? Well maybe the class clown might have known, but we sure have come a long way from hearing "Walk the Walk", "Hold your head high", and "Choose your friends wisely". Now the Guest Speaker always insist on using the current slang of the day in an attempt to prove that his down and definitely bout it, bout it!
3. Grandma- It never fails someones granny who has the worst case of Arthritis is always in attendance. Holding up the flow of graduation traffic by walking with her one good foot, she takes her time stepping down each step (with the precision of a 6 month old taking its first step). Get it girl. And I dare you try to walk around her while she is toting her hand made cane. Go ahead I dare ya.
2. The Fans- Tay Tay N' Dem! That group of embarrassing cousins, aunts, and underage parents are always destined to show up and act like Macaque's freed from the National Zoo. It never fails. They are just screaming through the whole program. In the beginning you look at them with disgust because you can't hear the salutatorian rambling on about nothing familiar to the audience. However it becomes comical when you realize that they don't know any better because they have never been out of their neighborhood. So this graduation is really like getting a free ticket to a Janet Jackson Concert.
1. The Names- This is when you see how creative, innovative Black folks really are. They take names and make a creation that is just a symphony of syllables. A couple of my favorites this year were: Jas'Maine, Quallicia, Shaniqua ( I didn't know people were still using this one, I thought it faded out with the 80's crack game), Taezhon, and Charlester ( I know seems too good to be true, but its real).
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