Swing Low Sweet Chariot!

I know that it’s Tuesday and I didn’t post anything yesterday, but it was too hot outside to think! So today is Top 10 Tuesday and the list will reflect on why its time for summer to be over.


10. Fall, Winter, and Spring - Any season is better than summer. You see more smiles during these seasons. I think summer is when people are diagnosed as depressed, bi-polar, and crazy! So if your honeydip is admitted to the local insane asylum, don't worry they will be out as soon as Fall comes. They didn't know how to control their temper in the summer sun. Its too hot to be nice.

9. Schools out- I cant stand when kids get out of school. They are loud, in the way, and not in summer camp where they need to be. No their parents let them run wild, and annoy the rest of the world.

8. Gas- Its ridiculous when you cant afford to drive your car out of your driveway to visit your neighbor across the street. All road trips are out for the summer. I hope I have 3 months of leave at work because I cant afford to go there either.

7. Shrimp and Biscuits- Time and time again, summer after summer, I have had to watch women of all persuasions serve up a platter of shrimp and biscuits. And no I am not talking about a meal from Popeye’s. I am talking about the women who have toes hanging over the front of their sandals (shrimp) and the back of their heel hanging over the back of the sandal (biscuits). Your toes really should not be massaging the sidewalk.

6. Kells- If we can get past the summer, the whole R. Kelly shenanigans will be over. I can’t take this circus another minute. It has taken 8 whole years for the R. Kelly trial to come into place. Why are we even having a trial now? The girl is an adult, she liked it, and I can’t wait for Trapped in the Closet parts 77-99 to come out. So let’s leave Kells alone. Let him move to Dubai with Michael Jackson and everything will be alright.

5.TV- This is the time of year when all shows are on repeat or their are new shows that just make you want to give up your wonderful life and join the army. If you need an example, between MTV and VH1 there will definitely be a Top Model marathon. Then to make a mockery they have the nerve to show the other Top Model shows from around the world. I don't think anyone is interested in Myanmar's Next Top Model. BET will do its usual and make up a show with absolutely no stars and a $10 budget (i.e. the boot). Where do they get these fledgling actors?

4. Summertime- I don't know why radio DJ's think they are getting you hyped by playing Will Smith's Summertime. I haven't liked this song since the year after its release. Please stop! Quite frankly I don't want to hear anything by Will Smith.

3. Humidity- Humidity is the biggest enemy of the black woman. When the lord was dishing out textures of hair, why didn’t he make ours humidity resistant? I am tired of going on vacation in the summer, only to have my digital photos comeback displaying an image of me with poodle hair. Just think about the selfishness from on high! European women don’t have this problem, Asian women don’t have this problem, South American Women don’t have this problem, and Native American women don’t have this problem. Jesus take the wheel! Maybe next lifetime I could be from Bucharest or something.

2. Sunburn- This is worse than too much bronzer. Against your will your face is burned beyond recognition. People may not tell you, but they are definitely laughing on the inside. Some of you mistake this as a sun tan. No, no, no! If you go to the beach looking like El Debarge and you come back looking like T-Pain, you have sunburn.

1. The Beach- There are so many crimes at the beach, where do I begin? The white guy with the sunblock on his nose. I never understood this because why cant you find a transparent sunblock, and why is it only on your nose. You look like a clown surfer dude! Speedo's should not be worn by any man on any continent. I don't care that you are from Brazil, you speak fluent Portuguese, and sip on Caipirinha's. No one wants to see your funky junk stuffed into a pouch of spandex. Just buy a pair of trunks and let your pork sword relax! There's also that sister at the beach who has no business in a bikini. Its bad enough she shouldn't be seen in a whole piece bathing suit, but no she has to skip the middle man and go straight for the kill. The cellulite, the carpet coming out of the side of the bikini, and the fatback (literally a fat back). Ugh! The sports fanatics who decide its a good idea to play volleyball where you are relaxing and taking in the sun. If you can get past the fact that you will be hit by the volleyball at least twice then you will be fine.