Top Ten Tuesday

Well folks I know it has been a while, but if you get a monthly cycle you know what the repercussions may be. Hence my extended leave of absence. As I have had much needed time off from the daily grind of my thoughts I have come up with a stream of new ideas for the blog. My first idea is going to come to you today in the form of Top Ten Tuesday. I will come up with a list of 10 things that I feel should be discussed for Tuesday. Today's top 10 list are the most powerful black Actors. I would cast any of the following actors any day before the lackluster talent we have out there now. Alright, play that funky music White boy!

10. Gary Coleman- Arnold from Different Strokes. He always delivered his lines with such power and conviction. When he would say his signature line "What you talking bout Willis?" You could see the fire and desire in his eyes because he had such a passion for acting. Only a real actor could be 24 and pull off the roll of an 8 year old for 8 seasons! Name one actor who could pull that off today, and don't you even think about saying Mini-Me. He doesn't have half the pizazz of Arnold.

9. Haywood Nelson- Dwayne from what's happening was a permanent fixture in the windmills of my mine. This brother was fine and classy. He had a haircut like the Count from Sesame Street which can only be described as a Man Symmetric. It was so sharp and pointy at the corners of the cut, almost like a Hypotenuse Triangle. He was always dressed in a form fitting tee, bell bottom jeans, and the latest kicks. Recipe for a Hollywood Heartthrob. Hotness!!!!!!

8. Demond Wilson- Lamont from Sanford and Son. He wore a mean jean suit on every episode. I wish a lot of the young brothers today in Hollywood would wear more suits like this. I used to love when this brother said "Pop" every other word on the show! No one knows how to say Pop better than Demond Wilson. I am willing to bet his children call him Pop. As a matter of fact I think he patented and copyrighted the word! On Sanford and Son he was so cool that he had a friend named Rollo! Now lets sit back and examine this situation. Only a world class actor can convince studio execs that there should be a friend on the show named ROLLO! I have to say I have never met one Rollo in my lifetime, so that would make this brother an innovator. We need more like him in this industry.

7. Emmanuel Lewis- Webster from the hit show Webster. I don't know anyone else who has the name Webster, so he gets a shout out for that alone. He was the cutest little Sea Otter on television. Webster's giggle was classic and has not been remastered by anyone in Hollywood.

6. T.C. Carson- Otherwise known as the Oh so debonair Kyle Barker. This brother was clearly gay and he wasn't ashamed to tell the world. He wasn't going to change for no one. Not even for his role as a strait man on Living Single. This brother has integrity. He would walk around the set insulting his co-host Erica Alexander, who played his hated love interest, all while managing to swing his Fry Guy Dread Locks, show off his man ring, and show of his full lips which where moistened to perfection courtesy of M.A.C.'s lip glass. Carson also managed to sing a few ditty's on the show. I think they should make a compilation CD of his music from the show and call it Honey Roasted Jazz!

5. Bryton McLure- The showstopping Little Richie from Family Matters. First little Richie starts off as a peazy head baby with brown skin. Then in true Michael Jackson fashion he turns into a ghostly light, curly haired, albino. This little Michael Jackson imitator had his own built in Jheri Curl from the time he was 4, little shiny clothes, and moves that could compete with Whitney Houston. This is definitely one of my favorite childhood stars.

4. Gary LeRoi Gray- The mute baby known as Nelson Tibideux, on the Cosby Show stomped into the hearts of black America. He was the better half of the twin grandchildren of Claire and Heathcliff Huxtable. He was so talented he didn't even have to speak for his first couple of years on the show. He just sat in his playpen and gazed up into the sparkling eyes of his cast mates. As a baby he was able to play nice and share with his on-screen twin Winnie for hours on end while filming. How many young starlets do you know could have pulled that off? I don't like to play nice as an adult. Kudos to Gary LeRoi Gray

3. Bumper Robinson- This former child star has been in a plethora of films and television shows including Amen, A Different World, and the Jefferson's. I am still waiting for him to get that starring role that I know is out there waiting for him.

2. Curtis Baldwin- I believe you know him as Calvin from 227. His hair was always sharp. Whether it be the German chocolate color, the stylish shag with S-Curl Juices, or the slim fit acid wash jeans with troop tennis shoes. With a look like this they could have easily filled him in as a seventh member of New Edition. He is probably remembered most for his signature line "Ah come on Brenda!" He was often seen being slapped in the back of his head by his on-screen grandmother Pearl. As an actor he took those slaps like a pro. I am hoping his career can be resurrected in a Tyler Perry Film (he's worked magic for others).

1. Ben Powers- He played the stellar role of Keith Anderson (Thelma's Husband) on Good Times. He wins the number one slot solely on the episode where he slaps the soul out of Thelma and she wakes up with strait hair. He is just lucky James Evans wasn't still alive, because that kind of foolishness would have never gone down in James "Flared Nostrils" Evans house. However unbeknownst to the viewer Thelma had been hiding a little bit of James Evans-esque traits in her all those years. She hauled off and slapped him back and Keith gave her the most powerful hug given on TV to date. Another powerful moment for Ben on the show is when his character Keith's wounded knee is miraculously healed and he gets signed to the Chicago Bears. This was such an uplifting moment for black America as he moved the family from one apartment to another apartment across town. Sometimes I sit and wonder what that other apartment would have looked like if the show had been on another season.

Just another MANic Monday

What a dreary day! Its raining cat's and dog's outside, someone stole my parking space at work, and my boss came in today when he said he wouldn't (what a tease). Well lets get into today's topic, DIVORCE!

With all of the reconciliations that are going on in Hollywood I didn't think there would be any divorce's any time soon. Well OK, I guess I'm lying. That is one thing that is guaranteed in Hollywood. However I was holding out hope after the run back of Kim Porter to Mr. Bitchassness, and Shaunie to Shaq. Well now the divorce that we all predicted prior to the wedding is going down. Star Jones and "G"al Reynolds.

Quite frankly this is no surprise to anyone but the Star. I feel the same way about Al Reynolds as I felt about Terry McMillan's husband, like I wanted to ask for fashion tips, and share girl stories, and watch the YaYa sisterhood together. As my good friend Doug J. would say these fellas are definitely Honey Roasted. Al Reynolds looks like Lionel Richie's gay brother. His hair is so shiny and shellacked into a neat coif of curlettes. His jewelry looks like pieces from the Liz Taylor collection. That Cheshire cat grin, courtesy of the oversize chompers, was just to "Ooooh, How you doing honeypie?" Star people tried to warn you, but since you are slim now cant nobody tell you nothing, with your big head self. Would you really marry someone who has an all male Toga Bachelor Party. First off I always thought of Toga Parties as a white people thing. He brought us two steps back as a race with that one. Can you imagine all of those glossy men showing each other their pork swords. Star you should have known better. But who cares, no one liked you when you were big, and they still don't like you thin.

Jesus Take the Wheel

I have CRAMPS today. I will return tomorrow! The End.

Welcome Back Kotter

Well I am sure this is no surprise to anyone, but Kim Porter is back. Did they really have to play around in the media and try to make us believe that she was leaving? Where is she going? However, does he have to spit in her eye before she feels insulted. Lets take a look at there tumultuous history.

The J. Lo years

K. Port and Diddy are chilling as a lovely couple. All the while he has a not so secretive crush on Jennifer Lopez. Jenny from the block fronts on him for a while, then finally decides she can deal with him. So he gives Kim the boot. I know money makes people feel like they are on top of the world and can treat people like poo. Well in my mind he has a lot of nerve with those too close baboon eyes and his drooly wet mouth. Then to top it off he left her for a woman that was not black. People you know in our community, whether its Hispanic, French, German, or Chinese we still say he left for a white woman. Now I am no racist, but you know what this does to the sisters. Makes you want to do a roundhouse kick to the face.

So Puffy and Jenny start having bad times and she dumps his a$$. That made my day. Payback is a Puertorican B*tch. So of course who does he come running back too, Waiting in the Wings Kim! She sure knows how to stick it out. So to make sure she seals the deal this time she becomes preggers with little drooly wet mouth.

The Post J. Lo Years

Fast forward a couple of years he is cheating all over the place. Next thing you know she is pregnant with twins. So for nine months it appears that he is a changed man. I mean he almost had me fooled. So she has his first daughters, and thinks this will get there eternal life on and poppin. Old Puffer Fish decides to do an interview in Essence Magazine and insult her further by saying he wasn't going to marry her. Now I understand that when you have your first child together you might not want to get married because it might have been a mistake, blah, blah, blah. Now this bony perm head, has twins and he ain't ready to settle down. Then to make matters worse a woman pops up talking about she just had his baby too. Oh no, gots to go!

The Go Head Girl Years

So I guess Kimmy is embarrassed and decides to leave, which is what I would have done a long time ago. Get the money and run. I'm no gold digger, but there is no point in me having a baby daddy with money for lifetimes and utilize it. Take the money and find another Hollywood Cutie, with more money. Take lessons from Zsa Zsa Gabor (I know you don't think she made money from her acting skills). Fast forward to this past weekend they are back together. So ladies if you want to know who to blame for all the cheating men in the world, thank Kim Porter. She has sent a lovely message to the fella's that they can kick us in the head with a pointy toe boot and we will still be there. Thanks Kim!

Children of the Corn

I am sure by now that you've all read or saw on the news information regarding the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (FLDS) in Texas. Any religious group with a name this long is definitely up to something. Before I make any offensive statements let me say, I've been to Salt Lake City, UT, and thought I had a clear view of what these people were all about. From my experience they were very nice, keep an extremely clean city, they kind of talked like robots, but they weren't a part of polygamous marriages. Well clearly there is a group of Mormons that have vacated the premises and moved to Texas and are holding a different kind of church service. When I saw the news I said to myself "What the hell?" Take me higher, lord!

The worst of this travesty is the old men sleeping with the young girls. I don't know who I want to slap the most, the old perv's or the parents of these girls. I would like to meet these men because I would love to greet them with a Karate Kid style kick to the nuts. When they arrested the leader of this group, why didn't the officials arrest the rest of these men? These people were living at the Yearning for Zion Ranch in Texas. First Give Away that something is wrong. I don't know about you, but I have never used YEARNING and ZION in the same sentence. As a matter of fact the only time I use Yearning is when I am singing along with Charlie Wilson "My heart is YEARNING for your love!" I'm almost certain the men at this facility were using the term in the same way as the Gap Band.

The Amish must really feel good about themselves right now, because they are far more technologically advanced than this group. These people were like something out of a time capsule, especially the women and young girls. Lets start with the most obvious: The Hair! Everyone of them looks like they have a croissant or bundt cake on top of their heads. Then to further make me throw up this cornucopia was accented by some of the longest horsey braids I have ever seen. Its not natural to have hair that long, unless you are trying to hold down a spot in the Guinness Book of World Record. But......I digress! Moving on to the next breathtaking view: Those darn getup's! They have little house on the Prairie Dresses and not one of them owns a pair of pants. Do they know that pants are what liberated women. Those dresses were long sleeved and cassinett material (strait out of slave days). Just stop and think about this for a minute, they are in Texas. Its a wonder they didn't faint when they were released from the compound into the burning Texas Sun. The government should definitely donate shorts and swim suits to this bunch.

Finally lets focus on the beauty part of it: Unibrow, facial hair, no make up.
1. Of all the women that they took from that ranch, did they have to interview Unibrow Eunice? Her Unibrown just irritated the mess out of me. It was messing with my mental psyche, kind of like a creepy character out of an Austin Powers movie! What lowdown, dirty, scoundrel, snake in the grass, hath lain down with this woman? He's Nasty!

2. Some of these women also had facial hair. We have come too far, and I will offer up complimentary waxing to the whole cult.

3. No make-up in 2008 is a sin. Your most natural beauty will slide on lip gloss and a little shadow or liner. Why these old, manly looking, wildebeest think they are the exception is beyond me.

The Compound
The facility where these people were staying was scary. They were staying in Dorms and eating in a Cafeteria. Its like lifelong college, except you don't graduate. There were so many bunk beds in that place it look like an orphanage. What got me is that there were some bunk beds with three tiers. That is new to me. Never seen anything like it. What's worse is the weirdo parents had the nerve to have a full size bed in the same room. Please tell me they weren't doing their yearning in front of the kids. Gross

These women have been brainwashed, and its very sad. However I am willing to bet they make a mean dinner.

Order My Steps Lord

Summers Coming, hot dogs will be sizzling, Sayquan will get shot (Again), Te'Te' will be sporting a new set of silver teeth courtesy of the baby bottle filled with Kool-aid, and everyone will only be able to afford half a tank of gas at a time. While all of this magnificence is going on the biggest crime known to man will slip by again with not so much as a citation. What is this godawful crime you ask? MANDALS (Man Sandals), this does not include flip flops! So all of you nervous flip flop brothers can calm down, you have been excused. However, traffic cops beware of the alligator strap up sandals. You will see them at every cookout, concert, and shopping mall near you. Women, I know you try to be supportive, but its time to stop playing games with your man.

There are various types of Mandals:

1. The Infamous Jesus Sandal- I blame white folks for this one just like slavery. We were doing alright until they introduced the Jesus Sandal. Who would do such a thing. Now the brotha's think its fine to glide down the street, showing off all the bumps and lumps that you know as his feet.

2. The Mule- Ladies if your man has a pair of these they were specially ordered and you should check to see if he is really into you the way he says he is. When this shoe was invinted it was strictly for the ladies. Why any man would want a shoe with the back out and a little heel on it, is besides me.

3. The Flat N' Strappy- This is the one I hate the most. You wanna tick me off, just show up with this shoe on and see what happens. I double dare ya!

4. The Flip Flop- The best Mandal of them all. You are able to preserve your sexy and your manhood with this shoe. And I understand that its summer and your feet are hot and need to breathe.

I blame one Brotha for all of this Mandal Mania: None other than Mr. Mandal himself BLAIR UNDERWOOD!

The Blair Underwood look is outdated and overrated. Don't know what the Blair Underwood look is, I'll Tell you! One ultra flowy, white, or cream colored thin cotton beach shirt (rolled up at the wrist), one pair of eggshell linen pants rolled up at the ankle. And to complete this beachykeen look,.....duh,duh,duh.........MANDALS! This is nothing to be excited about! Blair has a perm, why on earth would you take fashion advice from him.

The next time your man even looks like he might be thinking about purchasing a pair of Mandals, find your sharpest pair of stilettos and stomp all over his toes. If there are a pair of Mandals that I left off the list please feel free to let me know. Oh trust and believe, they will be added promptly. Dont want to leave any off before there is a violation of the Summer Fashion Code of Conduct.

Hair Affair needs Repair!

Someone please tell me at what point did we decide that all young black actors had to have this curly Ronald McDonald lions mane. I have to say that I'm over it. Quite frankly sick of it. Damn near about to throw up. The look first started out in the Neo Soul world for those soulful singers who just didn't have enough color (i.e. Remy Shand, Maxwell, etc.). Don't get me wrong the look works for them (more Maxwell than Remy, but I digress). This look is excellent for adults. However this Swamp Poodle look has filtered down to the kids of Zebra persuasion on Disney and Nickelodeon. Or as I call them the Fry Guy's (you remember those little buggers from the 80's McDonald's commercials)! The pictures above are a sign that it has indeed gone to far. Its time for the black community to come together, put there foot down, and reclaim the marketable look that we want to put out there. Lets join hands (with scissors of course) and get busy.

First up to Bat for a cut: Corbin Bleu- Lets start by saying this is the corniest youngster in Hollywood right now. He doesn't have one cool bone in his body. Then to upset the viewing public he is always dancing around with that hair, which looks like something on the menu at the Macaroni Grill.

2-4: Tre, Jaden and Willow Smith- I mean do all of the Smith kids have to sport this look. Where's the Individuality Police when you need them. Tre has reached that age where its time for the cut. People might mistake him for Corbin Bleu. Not a good look! Jaden, who is cute just had the look a little to long. Besides he looks so much like his sister Willow that I sometimes mistake him as her twin sister. Willow lets slap a PCJ in that head and give her a scrunchy. Her hair hasn't grown any since she was one, so I think its safe to say this does nothing for her. Jaden's hair is longer than hers.

Oh and too my friends over at the Gap, Target, and Children's Place I am not letting you off that easy. I've seen your ads and all the black kids look just like the fry guys above. Curly hair, at least one black parent. What's up with putting Daekwon, Shay Shay, and Man-Man in the ads? Why cant the happy to be nappy get some press. No its always the flower child with sandy blond borderline red hair with a spring frock on and flowers in their hair.

The curly coils are sending out the wrong message to the black community because then everyone thinks there child can pull this look off. When it doesn't come out right, the parents have been backed into a corner. You know what happens next, they turn back to the Jheri Curl to achieve this look. Why would you want to make us go back to that shameful period in our history. It ain't right! So to all the parents out there just settle for the Easter Sunday press-n-comb, peazy ponytail, or a simple hair cut.

Snoop as the Godfather of Go-Go

I have to be honest in saying I had to do a double take. A quick flash of Chuck Brown appeared in my peripheral view. Then I doubled back and said wait, Chuck done lost a lot of weight. He was looking ultra slim, but his Jheri Curl and hat was still in tact. Then a revelation came to me that this was not the Godfather of Go-Go, but an imitator. If you are from DC your will be able to spot out a hometown impostor. I took a closer glance and it was none other than the West Coast's own Snoop Dogg with tiny spiral curls. He was attending the Country Music Awards. Why? I don't know! These Hollywood folks are really getting bored. I doubt he knew one song that was nominated. But back to him and his Chuck Brown look. I quite frankly don't know why anyone would want to walk around looking like Chuck Brown. I mean we let Chuck slide because he's been doing it for so many years and because he's a hometown hero. However that doesn't mean we want fans to follow his fashion mishaps. You don't see anyone walking around DC dressed like this. Do Ya? I am proud to say that I never had a Jheri Curl or a Gold Tooth. However, I've been told I do a mean Run Joe! But I digress, Jesus take the Wheel!

What possessed U?

This is just taking it too far. Yellow make up and Golden Hair does absolutely nothing for your sexy. Someone please tell me what Solange Knowles and R. Kelly were thinking. Why Lord? She looks like a Tranny and he looks like the bamma that I always knew he was. Solange will now and forever more in my book be known as Mr. Miss! If it isn't enough that she looks like one of the original Fraggles, she now looks like one of the boy Fraggles with a wig on. There is nothing wrong with looking like a Tranny if you are one, but if you are a lady this is just simply scary. On to Mr. Pee Pee himself! This is the biggest Foolwangary I have seen in a long time. Its always him or Bobby! If they are going to let R. Kelly slide on his past charges, they should at least lock his a$$ up for this. I don't know what is more wrong the fact that his hair is gold or that he has weave cornrows. Weave Cornrows are bad enough because they never look good. But on a man is even worse. To add insult to injury he sprays them gold in honor of his days peeing on people. Yuck! Let me guess the name of his new CD is Golden Shower and the the first single will be Soul Glo. He has a lot of nerve. How many hints does he have to drop that he is a pedophile for them to lock him up. What non-pedophile do you know walking around with Gold Hair? Hmmmmmm! None! He is posed off like one of those corny men in the hair magazines.

Hair Salon: Goldie's
Style: Goldie Locks
Model: Mr. LaFonze

I know one thing. These Cd's better be damn good when they come out. If not someone please slap Tina Knowles and Lock the "R" up!

Jayonce'/Bey-Z

I have to be frank in saying I am so sick of these two and all the hype surrounding them. I declare we need a new it couple and NO, not Rihanna and Chris Brown (that was just too predictable). Jayonce' stop with all the privacy BS. Everyone is buzzing around like lifeless little peons wondering if they got married. Well I have a few words for them "I DON'T GIVE A DAMN, BAMMA'S!" Truth be told I don't think they got married. She has been toying with us nosy gossip mongers and I am sick, sick, sick, sick of her sh*t. She kind of has that fake hate for the Paparazzi that Brittany Spears does. Yet every time I look that Godawful weave is floating across the screen about to smother Jay every step of the way. So now the young/old couple (she is young but dresses old, he is old but dresses young) want to play around with notions of a wedding. I frankly think they were just having a fancy dinner party and if that's the case I am about ready to give both of them a roundhouse kick to the face. If she really wants to keep people interested perhaps she should get a life changing hair cut. Oops too late Rihanna and Kelis beat you to it. Its like that nappy, peazy, outdated puffball is a security blanket. Now I don't want you thinking I have anything against wigs or weaves, its just time for her to let it go. Now back to these nuptials which are disgusting me.

First of all every woman I know would slap the doo-doo out of their man if they denied being married, why should she be any different. Secondly it doesn't matter whether you are married or not, Your Gonna Break Up. That's the nature of the beast in Hollywood. All the great ones have done it, Bruce and Demi, Elvis and Priscilla, and even the best one yet Bobby and Whitney have called it quits. So they might as well share all intimate details now because its all going to come out when you break up and decide on a tell all book. Thirdly they could get a little more spending change if they sold the rights to their wedding pics. Don't try to put on a front now like it's not about the money. Please Jay-Z+Beyonce= Oprah! You do the math. After this whole fiasco I can do without seeing them for a couple of month's.

Heart of the City: Part One by DJ Anthology

Todays write up is provided by someone who I believe you know as Joe the Policeman from the What's Going Down episode of That's My Mama. Give it up for the Shiznit's own, Mr. DJ Anthology with a few words from Madame Editor-in-Chief, Yessssss. Let's first start by saying this was probably the best concert attended in a while. This is saying alot considering all the past concerts I've attended. Jayonce' and K-Ci's old Boo shut it down last night. However I have never and probably will never, ever, eva, evahhhh pay that much for a concert ticket again, but the show was worth every penny. The seats were great, shout out to all my peeps who were holding it down in sec 110.

First up was The Dream. His performance was one big pile of shiznit. He did three songs total, Falsetto, Shorty is a 10 and some other song that only one lame bamma with a ticket seemed to know. To make up for his shortcomings as a performer he did have 4 Pretty Hot And Tempting Dancers on stage gyrating as if this was going to be the paycheck to get them a ticket out the ghetto. These chicks had donkey butts and new how to use them. They were bending, stretching, and splitting in all directions during his entire set. The chicks over at the Penthouse needed to take some notes cause these broads were the truth. (Side Note: I told my wife to take notes too, we got an anniversary coming up...LOL!!) During Falsetto, they had some lesbo carpet munching action going on which was by far the best thing about his performance. The crowd went wild when he rolled out and said , “I’m not stupid I know ya’ll didn’t come to see me…LOL!!!” Bamma please exit stage left!

Anyway, 2 beers and a cup of wine later, the main attraction came on. The curtains opened and there was a movie screen playing a clip of Jay and Mary talking about their status’ in the game, how they respect each other, and yaddah yaddah. Then to hype the crowd a silloutte appears of Joe the Camel and MJB standing on stage, and I started to scream like a little girl. I wont lie I had a little Bitchassness in me that night!

They opened up the show with “Can’t knock the Hustle”, which is Madame Editor-in-Chief's favorite song. The crowd stood up and remained that way until the end of the show. Even Ima the old lady security guard was grooving, like she was at a Chi-lites Concert. The energy they have on stage together was amazing. Makes you wonder why they never got together. Imagine that! Okay nevermind, Yuck! Anywho, whomever thought to put this show together was a genius. The crowd was singing as if they were trying out for American Idol and not trying to disappoint Simon. Soon after Jay left the stage and Mary did her set.

All hail the Queen, because Mary never disappoints. Her voice was flawless, her body was worked out, and she looked amazing. She had everyone doing the happy feet to her classics like Real love, Be Happy, Reminisce, Family Affair and Enough Crying. She had everyone getting crunk up in that dancery. She kept everyone grooving for the first half of her set then slowed it down for the ladies. She sang I’m Going Down and proceeded to take it back to the Waiting Exhale days with Not Gone Cry wearing the all black lipstick . All the women went crazy and slapped every Man that was standing at their side just in case they ever thought about cheating.

Side Note- Madame Editor-In-Chief does not agree with any of DJ Anthology's Statement below, and will fire him the next time he says anything bad about MJB!

Now if you feel like I do, You know that Mary was in her prime when she had issues and therefore made her best music. So listening to her sing those bitter songs about love and betrayal made me want to commit suicide. She went into Your Child, and at that point it was time for another beer. She did a couple of songs off her new album that I don’t know, and some other hits. Then it was time for some more liquor. By this time I was pretty drunk and ready for Jigga my N*gga to come out. She predictably wrapped up her set with Just fine and the stage and crowd lit up. Mary’s performance was solid because puts her soul on the line when she performs which is why everyone loves her. She looked good, sang great, and gave everyone exactly what they wanted: A dime bag of MJB.

The Original King of R&B

Bobby Brown is making sure he stays gainfully employed and on the minds of everyone. I feel like Every Little Step I take he will be there. He started his career as a Singer/Criminal. Since then he has stopped making music while humping across the stage and the Baby Mommas realized they ain't got a thang coming. Brown is desperately trying to find success in other arenas. Bobby was on two different reality shows (one as a Comedian and the other as a Comedic Country Singer), and is now writing a tell all book which I am sure will be hilarious. Being Bobby Brown in my opinion was one of the best darned reality shows ever, it was so funny. Who doesn't like to see folks cut up and act a fool? My favorite episode shows The King and his estranged wife Wiggy Houston standing over a grill singing Fire by the OHIO PLAYERS! It was like sitting on your porch in Southeast DC, being a nosy neighbor, only you didn't have to leave the comfort of your home. They should put more family programs like this on TV. Now Bobby, is writing a tell all book which I will be the first at the library to get a copy. I know what your thinking, "Why don't you buy it!" I am not paying for the further demise of the King in the Form of Crack. We need him around some more, I feel like we still haven't seen the best TV moment featuring Bobby.

In his upcoming book Bobby talks about Wiggy Houston, Janet Jackson, and Madonna. He pretty much blames the Wigster for his drug problems, which I have always said she was a user long before she met Bobby! He then goes on to tell how he dated Janet Jackson and she broke his heart. In my mind I dated Nas, he married Kelis and broke my heart. Do you see where I am going with this? In regards to Madonna he writes:

"By the time I reached my third single on the 'Don't Be Cruel' album, I was one of the biggest stars in the world. You know what that means. With success comes the women! A wise man once told me that. At this time, I probably had dated half of the industry, including Madonna."

First of all I saw Bobby Brown in Concert when the Don't be Cruel album came out and he was opening for New Edition. So quite frankly he wasn't that big! Secondly someone tell me who is this wise man he talked to, because there was never a time at the height of Mr. Prerogative's career where I was chasing him down. Now Ralph Tresvant, that's another story, but Bobby please! He spent the better part of his life looking like a Booger Cookie. I wont discredit his account about dating Madonna, because after all she did date Dennis Rodman.

Just when you think Bobby Brown won't embarrass himself any further his hot dog head son Landon decides to show up on Reality TV sounding just as bad as dad. As if the music wasn't enough to make you sick, you had to look at his big head, and pop rock teeth! What's sad is that he doesn't have dad's dance moves, or a connection with Babyface for a hit. Looks like the Kings Reign has come to an end.

Now that I think about it, why am I referring to him as the King? That "F"-ing Whitney Houston that's why. We all knew that Luther was the King, but we allowed a bony skeleton with shifting teeth to put it in our heads that Bobby was the King. I guess I also I got a good laugh every time I said it, including today.

Slippin into Darkness

Well I am going to a wedding tonight and in my mind I already can think of all the things I am going to hate about it. First let me start by saying I think of marriage as crossing over to the Dark Side. I don’t know one Happy Couple that is over the age of 40. So if this is the case, why waste my time? I am of the mindset, if that is how things are going to end up, I can just float on! So back to this wedding I am going to attend, I love the bride and groom to be dearly, but I know their wedding won’t be any different than all the others. Which brings me to my top ten list of things that I absolutely hate about weddings. Let’s do this countdown. Drum Roll Please……….

10. The Church Service- I say everyone should eliminate the middle man and just go to the Justice of the Peace. After that is said and done, invite everyone to the Reception. Who doesn't like to Party? Plus I don't know about you, but I personally don't want to slob down my man in a CHURCH, in front of my FAMILY and FRIENDS. I mean I have really seen some people go at it. Get a Room! There is enough time at the Honeymoon, slow down!

9. Air Space-I don't know what it is but there is never a smooth transition from the wedding to the reception. This takes me back to my thought that everyone should just stop by their local JOP. It is so annoying to arrive at the reception and have to wait an hour or two for the bride and groom. Approximately how many raw vegetables do you think I am going to snack on while you take Photo's. Sista is ready to eat.

8. Announcements- I have always said that announcements should be reserved for high school homeroom. But no we insist that at the reception the whole darned wedding party has to be announced. "Introducing the Best Man Bay Bay Turner and he is escorting the baby mother of the brides brother Ro'taniqua Miller. Just come in and sit down. Then to add insult to injury they introduce the bride and groom as if we don't already know them. I mean they been shacking up for 10+ years, get them seated so we can eat. Sista is starving by this point. Which brings me to #7

7. Dinner Served- I don't care how much money is spent on a wedding or if your mother is Oprah Winfrey the food is always disgusting. Is there a secret handbook that states wedding food has to be disgusting? "The Macaroni's soggy, the peas are mush, and the Chicken taste like wood!" Thank goodness there is always that empty seat at the table, which I call dibs on their salad.

6. Toast to Life- The right person is never selected to give a toast. They always leave you with the same feeling "What the heck are you talking about?" They always drift off into la la land discussing things that have absolutely nothing to do with the newlyweds or their wedding. "You know I just want to say I grew up with the bride and she is so special to me, like that 50 Cent song. You know I love 50 cent, he is the best rapper out there. I dare any one of y'all to get up and say something bad about 50!" Whoa, are we at a wedding or the Source Awards.

5. The First Dance- Come on people this is not a recital. I don't want to dance with your father or my father and you don't need to dance with my mother and your mother. Cut that out, Get the music playing so I can dance off some of that dry meat, rice, and unidentifiable vegetable that was served earlier.

4. Last night a DJ saved my life- I love to dance at Wedding Receptions that is truly the excitement of the night. Here is when the guest have the opportunity to show off their best moves. The DJ usually is doing fine, then you get to the line dance portion. You are getting your groove on to the Cupid Shuffle, Booty Call, and any new shuffle that is out, When Mr. Music Man decides he is going to take it way back. You hear that whistle and right at that moment realize that the Electric Slide is coming on. Don't get me wrong I was a mean slider in my day, but its time to retire it and let it burn. And to my disappointment there are still folks out there that still don't know how to do it. Get Real!

3. Photographer- I am a paparazzi in my own right, so I don't need no weirdo with a camera to flash pics of me all night long. Next thing you know he done copied my face onto the body of Trina and is selling it on the Internet. Unless you have a digital camera where I can approve my pics, get out my damned face.

2. Garter/Bouquet Showdown- I absolutely hate this part of the wedding. They make you feel like a weird alien when they announce over the microphone "All the desperate, lonely, bitter, ugly, fat, skinny, low self esteem no man having women come to the floor and fight over the bouquet!" At that moment all of your married friends turn around with a look on their face, as if to say "This is your last shot at finding a man, Desperado." So you go out there just to show that you are a good sport, then low and behold the bride wants to play games. She is up there faking like she is going to throw the bouquet and doesn't, she does it again as if this is a joke. I want to wrestle every bride to the ground that does that. There is nothing funny about it. No thank you! As if this isn't enough the groom then proceeds to remove the garter from his wife's leg, which in my book is another one of those "Get a Room" moments. He tosses it out into a mixed crowd of single and married men. Then some freak catches it and has to slide this expensive piece of lace and satin up your leg, all while his tongue is hanging out his mouth. I have been the victim before, won't go down tonight!

And Finally Reason #1 why I hate Weddings

1. The Cutting of the Cake- Cut the damned cake already. I have been eyeballing that big ball of fattening sweetness all night long, and you have the nerve to make me wait through this travesty you call a wedding. Then the whole smashing of the cake in the face. Please I wish a ______ would! Wasting all that good cake. Happy Friday!

On a good note, my psychic says I probably wont be invited to another wedding again after this post.

Dr. King: Celebration of a life

When I think of Dr. King the first thing that comes to mind is a famous quote from Coming to America. “Yeah, I met Dr. Martin Luther King in 1962 in Memphis, Tennessee. I’m walkin’ down the street, mindin’ my own business, just walkin’ along, feelin’ good. I walk round a corner. A man walk up, hit me in my chest, right? I fall on the ground? And I look up, and it’s Dr. Martin Luther King! I said, ‘Dr. King!’ He said, ‘Oops, I thought you was somebody else." As funny as this is the Life of Dr. King is no laughing matter. Growing up as a child in the 80's I had so many classmates who wrote papers about this great man. I have to be honest, back then I really couldn't grasp his greatness and quite frankly by the late 90's I was sick and tired of hearing about him. I couldn't grasp his excellence and was more interested in the history of slavery than that of the Civil Rights Movement. As an adult African American Female I now have great respect for King and his legacy. For the first time in life I had an emotional feeling about his death. I urge anybody who wants to be moved by this great man to pick up a copy of Life Magazine's Celebration of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I leave you with a few of Dr. King's words about how he wanted to be remembered when he gave his "Drum Major Instinct" speech.

I'd like somebody to mention that day that Martin Luther King, Jr., tried to give his life serving others.

I'd like for somebody to say that day that Martin Luther King, Jr., tried to love somebody.

I want you to say that day that I tried to be right on the war question.

I want you to be able to say that day that I did try to feed the hungry.

And I want you to be able to say that day that I did try in my life to clothe those who were naked.

I want you to say on that day that I did try in my life to visit those who were in prison.

I want you to say that I tried to love and serve humanity.

The Mothership has landed

My many dedicated fans have been pressing me to pursue either a website, blog, magazine, etc. So here I am. Lets get ready to cut the hell up! I am very opinionated about Hollywood, passionate about real life situations, and love to add comedy to every expression that leaves my dome. For those of you who know how we do at the Shiznit, Holla, and for those who don't Welcome!