Good Music

When is the last time you purchased a good CD? I mean think about it. Was it Who is Jill Scott? Over the last 5+ years we have been in a musical drought. The Good music is few and far between, with acts such as Kindred, Ledisi, Emily King, etc. 2007 brought in a year of good music for the British (i.e. Mark Ronson, Lily Allen, Amy Winehouse, Corinne Bailey Ray, James Morrison, etc.) But in America is anyone besides Kanye, Lupe, and Jigga going to make a masterpiece. In 2007 I purchased the only American artist to have a complete masterpiece, Chrisette Michelle and Alice Smith. Thank goodness for them, however I met Alice and she wasn't friendly. I started to Frisbee her CD back at her, but that's a different can of worms. I cant even say that my favorite singer in the industry, Mary J. Blige, had a good CD. Mary J, is probably the most consistent R&B artist in the industry but her latest CD was a disappointment! People kept telling me this CD is almost like My Life. My guess is those people got bonus tracks because I didn't hear anything as remotely good as the My Life album on this CD. Or maybe they should remove the tootsie roll from their ears. Its more like the Love and Life album, which was still better than the current one. And it has nothing to do with her new happy tunes, because I loved The Breakthrough, for your information! But I digress. Still love Mary! Don't even get me started on Erykah Badu. I will just say there is more in her vegetable juice than veggies.

The other day I purchased Estelle and this was a breath of fresh air because the CD is just phenomenal, but brings me back to point "A" all the good music these days is coming from Londontown. Estelle is a combo of Lauren Hill, Floetry, and Lily Allen. Its definitely the musical eargasm that I have been longing for. If you want to hear good music check out the following people:

Estelle

Joy Denalane

Emily King

Gnarls Barkley

Ledisi

Ayo

Anthony David

Top Ten Tuesday

Top 10 Sayings that should have been retired as of 01/01/08. Some of them should have been retired before then, but I digress. There are signs to let you know when a quotes time is up. Such as other racial groups using the terms (i.e. Paris Hilton, That's Hot!), a quote expires in a year to a year 1/2, and when the brother who is still rocking the kid n' play high top starts using the quote its time for it to die.

10. Off the hook- Whether you say Off the Hook, Heezy, Chain, Wall, Meat Rack, etc. Its officially time to let it go. As a matter of fact that should have been retired 01/01/06. The variations of the saying is what did me in. Its gone on for far too long. I think I first heard this saying in 1997 as a freshman in college, when we retired "Tight" as a reference to something amazing.

9 . I's married now!- I know what your thinking who says this. Well if you have been to a black wedding over the last 10 years you know that black women across America think this is so hilarious to say after they are married. Thank Sophia (Oprah Winfrey) from the Color Purple. Black people love to quote this movie, myself included. However they have worn out this particular line. Let's move on and wear out another saying from this movie. I vote for "J-A-R, jar!" or "Did I ever ask you for anything, did I ever ask you for anything. I never asked you for anything not even your sorry a$$ hand in marriage." Be sure to save the last one for your divorce, it will be classic in the court room, and might save you some alimony money. You might have to pay court cost for cussing but it will feel good.

8 . That's what's up!- No, actually, its not what's up! I'll tell you what's up, me kicking a cleft into your chin the next time you say it. I dare ya!

7 . Chillaxin- Every time here someone ask What's up! and the response is "Chillaxin" I puke. What peni$ breath came up with this? It wasn't funny or cool the first time I heard it and look 2 years later I am still frowning every time I hear it. I don't know why we like to combine words to make new ones.

6 . Grown and Sexy- Every party, club, flier, bar mitzvah, cookout, office meeting, and divorce proceeding, has been labeled grown and sexy.

5 . Ladies report to the dance floor- This saying really only applies to Diddy, all Bad Boy Artist, and Usher. What's bad about this saying is it has trickled down to DJ's who love saying this. Do you really think this is going to convince people to dance? Every time I hear this I report to the exit.

4 . It is what it is- This quote probably carried the longest time span, because I know people's grandparents who have used this term before.

3 . That's Hot- Paris Hilton killed this saying approximately 5 years ago. And its now Frozen, thanks a lot. Oh and if you say Hotness, that is just a variation of That's Hot, so let it go.

2 . Keep it real- Whether you are keeping it real, kept it real, will continue to keep it real. All I ask is that you stop, maybe even keep it fake sometimes. But whatever you do don't keep it real. This one was ruined by Miss Cleo. The first time she used it in one of her infamous commercials, I fell out of my chair and had a seizure. It just doesn't sound legitimate once its said with an Island accent. "Keep it real, brethren!" See what I mean.

1. I'ma make it do what it do!- I cant tell you what this saying does to my ears. Its kind of like hearing K-Ci and Jo-Jo live in concert. Disaster!! This should have been retired once Jamie "Ray Charles" Foxx got his Oscar. It hasn't been funny since. On top of all that it makes the person saying it look stupid and lame.

Top Ten Tuesday: Flavor Flaaaaaaaaav!!!!

Today's top ten are reasons why it's time to stop watching Flavor of Love. I don't know about you, but this is an embarrassment to me. Aint a damn thing funny about this show. First I must say I blame BET for setting the coonery standard with those damned music videos. Second I blame Viacom for passing the tradition on to MTV and VH1. Finally I blame Chuck D. for not containing this fool. You brought that moon cricket into our world, now take him out. Reasons.... the reasons that were hear!

10. The Bad Acting- The tears, the fights, and the WIGGERS (no explanation needed, Buckwild). If one more nut case proclaims her love for Flav I am going to scream. I can't......I just can't! That face can only be loved by one woman, his Mama!

9. The Coonery-Wowwwwwwwww!!!! This has to be the most ignorant show on TV. Its definitely leading the pack of ignorant shows. This brother who once spoke of black power and respect, is now jigging around in black face (sans the makeup)! Its embarrassing. Pouring champagne out on your rug. I wouldn't even suggest doing that on your lawn let alone in doors on your purple rug. Him kissing the deuces like its 1987. Who does that? The worst moment was a couple of years back when that girl sharted on herself! Just nasty. Ughh! The sistah's are always fighting and getting in each other's face.

8. The Clocks- What is his reasoning for this again? Has he ever stopped and wondered why the rest of the world wears watches? And they are the ugliest clocks at that. Not that a cute clock would do any justice hanging around his neck.

7. Flav's Outfits- The All Red, the all Blue, the all Pink. All of any one color on this man is a travesty. The all Pink really does me in, as if all pink on a man isn't enough, they put it on Flav. Then he has the nerve to accent this outfit with pink slippers. What the "F"? Lets get this brother some browns and beige's to bring out his, dare I say it, outer beauty! Hold on I'm about to puke..............

OK, post puke. I'm Back! Shall we continue?

6. The Girls- There are two groups of girls that are on the show tack heads, and the tack head ho's! And I know some of you fans are saying, well so and so wasn't that bad. Yes she was! They are all hot messes for going on the show. They are all on there for telly time, we know this. However, tell me one person on the show who you think is going to be a star. ??????!!!!!!.......still waiting.

5. Big Rick- What is this big pootie sticks purpose? He just stands there like a big pile O' sh*t with glasses!

4. The Tacky Mansion- Who decorates this cardboard mansion? Sister Patterson?????? The wall paper is the tackiest I have ever seen. And you know they are using the same mansion for all of the VH1 reality love shows. They just change the wall paper when the next show is up. The walls have been everything from leopard print, to Louis Vuitton. Then what mansion doesn't have enough rooms to sleep all the girls solo. What's up with the twin beds in all the rooms? That looks like a single family home to me. Why don't they just get bunk beds.

3. Motivation for other Shows- If you need an example, I love New York, Rock of Love, and Tila Tequila's Shot at Love are a few that come to mind. Anyway who is the genius behind the names of these shows. Further more I don't think I could stand to look at New York's boobs/eyelashes/eye make-up, Bret's Wig/Scarf/Cowboy Hat, or Tila's little light bulb head another minute.

2. Season 4- If we keep watching this coonery, there will be a season 4. It's not their people looking bad. They might be able to use this to justify the return of slavery! Watch your backs, black people! If we are picking cotton or tobacco next week, we know who to blame. Flav and his harem of women! In particular New York, Saaphyri, and the Twins (thing 1 & thing 2)

1. Flav- How does this moon cricket continue to do it? The Sunglasses, the cornrows, the gold fronts, the liger cape (lion mixed with tiger, they really do exist)! Then he has the nerve to be choosy! N*gga please! Always wanting a kiss, ughhh! "Kiss ya man!" Time for another puke break. You get the point. Stop watching this crap.

Bow down Biatch!

Ok don't you think its time for Hills to bow down! Gracefully. Barack kung-fu'd her a$$ in NC! She is really trying to ride this thing out til the end! Why can't she let Barack shine, if not for himself, for his people. Now don't get me wrong if there is a sudden Series of Unfortunate Events (i.e. a Barack sex tape, a "the b*tch set me up moment, or an attack of lunacy) then I will support Hills! But since none of the above have come to fruition, I want her to do one thing! Bow down Biatch, and kiss Baracks converse. Its just like in the old days, they dont want us to have nothing! I mean black people need Barack to even the playing field. Well I take that back, I dont know if him being El Presidente will even the playing field. However I do think it will give black people across the country the same feeling that we DC natives have. Which is, WE RUN THIS B*TCH! We outnumber all the other races in our locale, so we dont have to put up with their bs as the rest of the country does! I wish a gang member would roll up on Man Man from the fiff flo' while he is chillin in front of his stablishment'! Or some trailer trash would look down their nose at us. You'll get your little pale a$$ tossed up!

Hands down it is definitely time for a change. And if one more person (who is not black) ask me if I am voting for Barack because he is black I am going to go off. What do you want me to say, because I am going to tell you the same thing I told all the other's Uhhhhhhh......... Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh! That is what you guys did for the last 43 retards that you elected. Why should I play fair? The only way I would have been confused about my vote is if Hillary was a Native American name Grazing Moose! And I know what some of you are saying "I have seen pics over the internet of Hillary and Mme. Editor in Chief". I say to you in my best cheating boyfriend who's been caught voice "Why you got to bring up the past?"

Anywho, Barack for president!

SEIS DE MAYO:Top Ten

Top 10 things you should have done yesterday for Cinco de Mayo! This is all in fun, in a Don Imus kind of way, so don't take it personal! If you do, I will just bring up slavery and that will be the end of the discussion. Well at least that has been my experience.

10. Tell your Guatemalan clean up crew, in your best Spanish accent, Feliz Cinco de Mayo! The confused look on their faces should have been classic. Aye Yi Yi!

9. Take a 5 hour lunch break. You have to factor in that you get an hour for lunch, and because its a holiday with drinks you get an extra hour, and to respect that this is a holiday for a certain Hispanic group you have to respect the siesta. You are going to need a nap after all the tequila and burritos. Well at least I did. I got back to work in enough time to shut down my computer and show my face at least one last time. Aye Caramba!

8. Go to your favorite Mexican restaurant sporting your best St. Patty's Day outfit. If they look at you like your crazy tell them your going Green and ask them where was the love on Dr. King Day? Then shout out "I'ma tell you anotha thang. Somebody stole my piece of chicken. And I hopes they choke on the Goddamn bone!!!" This will likely get you a free meal. It works for me every year. Believe me nobody wants to come between a black woman/man and their chicken. Livin La vida Loca!

7. Show up to work in a Flamenco outfit, with a pinata and stick in your hand. The looks on everyones faces as you walk in should be amazing. Never mind Rosa the Panamanian laughing in the corner, she will never get promoted to head cook in the cafeteria with that attitude. Trust and believe, she really doesn't want to step to you while you are holding that Pinata stick in your hand and she wants the goodies out of the pinata! If she keeps it up start swinging that stick like she is the pinata and watch her run. After she leaves feel free to turn on Shakira's Hips Don't Lie and work your Flamenco outfit. Se Como Dice!

6. Ask your only Mexican co-worker what is Cinco de Mayo! I bet he wont be able to tell you! This is the most confusing holiday ever. It's supposed to be reflective of Mexican independence but really isn't because of some crap, something about Benito Juarez and General Zaragoza, yada, yada, yada. So that we are no longer confused I suggest we call up our local government officials and see if we can switch liquor day to another holiday and return Cinco de Mayo to it's Native land! Dios Mio!

5. Refuse to speak English at work. Keep a steady flow with your best espanol. This will keep all the annoying a$$holes away from your desk. The only people you have to worry about are the clean up crew who will now come to look at you as their translator and ticket out the ghetto! Be careful because Milagros will go from vacuuming holes in the carpet to micromanaging you. Aqui! Aqui!

4. Wear a Sombrero! It always brings a smile to people's faces, keeps the sun out of your eyes (not that there was any, well maybe in Mexico, but not here), and is the ultimate hater blocker. Dark Shades and tinted window's ain't got nothing on the sombrero. When people see you walking down the street all they will see is a hat and a body. Think about it, how can they hate on the person they can't see. Ahhhhhhh, the Mexicans are some real innovators. Que?

3. Babysit a Chihuahua. You don't have to be a dog lover to do this believe me I know. Those little adorable firecrackers are so much fun to hang around. After you have drank yourself into a tizzy these little fellas will keep saying Yo Quiero Taco Bell! and Here Lizard, Lizard! But you have to remember to drink first or else they wont say it! Aye Chihuahua!

2. Take a shot of Tequila, Cerveza, and Xtabentun at the same time. You don't want to disregard any group of Mexicans in any one region, so the best way is to mix all of their drinks into one killer shot. Literally you might die after drinking this concoction. But this way you have covered all groups and can get through the rest of your work day with a smile or maybe a fight! Just depends on how your body responds to alcohol! Y tambien Mama!

1. Wish DJ Anthology and his wife a Happy 1 Year anniversary. I know I know, they really shouldn't be trying to outshine the Mexicans on their day, but what are you going to do. That's between them and the Mexicans! I pity the fool!

NEW MUSIC MONDAYS

Each week the shiznit is going to start bringing you our review of the latest music. Check back each week to hear new music and to see if the music is ShizNIT or ShizNOT worthy.

Jazmin Sullivan – “I Need you Bad” (Shiznit Worthy)

I like this song….it’s got that new Reggae and Blues feel too it. I’m sure it will begin to get a lot of air play. . Her voice is very reminiscent of Ms..Ohh La La La…her self Lauryn Hill..and she’s only 20. I’m just hoping that, that carpet muncher Missy ain’t turned out...LOL!! I can’t front on Missy though…the singles she touches be hot. Actually, this is the second song that missy has produced for her. The other track was, “In love with another man”…a slow R&B song, but it really showcases this girls vocal capabilities. I think that is when I new she was going to be the next girl to look out for. She is definitely what the game needs right now, someone that ain’t screaming, Keyshia Cole, and someone that ain’t just eye candy, Rhianna. I expect big things from Jazmine so keep her on your radar, the shiznit will definitely let you know when her new album drops.

John Legend and Al Green – “Stay With me(By the Sea)” (Shiznit Worthy)

This song takes me back to the good old days…when all we needed was music, love, and a little bit of refer. It reminds me of “Let’s Stay together"and "Love and Happiness". I’m liking the collabo between and him little John Legend. Their voices complement the track and I’m all for the live strings and instrumentation. I thinks it’s safe too say that after a 5 year hiatus(last album in 2003)…my man Al still has it..and I have to say it’s not too often that an artist’s voice can stand the test of time with all the drugs in the industry, inject Chaka & Whitney. So I’m looking forward to his collabo album. He’s been working the Root’s ?uestlove, and I have already heard a track with him and Anthony Hamilton, that is just as good.(next week people next week). I’m not sure when It will drop, but we will let you know.

Jayonce, Ursher, and Weezy -Love in this Club Remix (ShizNOT Worthy)

I don’t like this version of Love in the Club. Tell me…why must black folk always mess with a good thing…if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. What started out as a club banger about getting’ it on in the club has turned into some crappy slow song about Jayonce not wanting to give it up in the club…”I can’t get jiggy with this shit.” First off why must she cram an entire book into one verse. Just sing dammit. BTW, she is not the REAL queen B...all hail little Kim. Also, Just because you throw weezy on a track doesn’t make IT hot. I’m a big weezy fan..however, his latest callabos, (Mario and Lloyd) have been a little wack..it’s sounds like he just gets sizzzuryuped up in the booth and just says whatever the hell he wants. Not only that he is steeling T-pain’s steez with the vocal doohickey..(Yeah I know T-pain stole it from Roger). Anyway, I don’t like this version, it will not be played in any of my mixes. IMO, not shizit worthy…

Vic – Get Silly (ShizNOT Worthy)
I don’t even think this needs an explanation.

T.I. – NO Matter What… (Shiznit Worthy)

Well ya'll Mr. Planters Peanut is back and trying to shake that case off. Arguably, T.I. is probably the best rapper to come out of the south, which is why he is the self proclaimed KING. Now that he has gotten away with a slap on the wrist for those gun charges, he’s back with a new single for what I’m assuming is a new album. I like this song ...although the beat had to grow on me. TIP is actual rapping about something other than the TRAP. His lyrical content has always been fire. My favorite line:

“To conquer, every obstacle, make impossible possible. Even when winning illogical, losing is still far from optional”

I think it’s a good come back song to let those other sucka MC’s know he’s still got it after being on house arrest for so long. I think this next album is going to focus more on lyrical content than anything else. Don’t get me wrong, I think he still going to be talking about the Trap, Big Wheels, and partying, but I don’t think it will contain as much gun toatin’, pot smokin lyrics.(Partly because of his probation..LOL). This song is defiantly Shiznit Worthy and I’m looking forward to his next project.

Cornballs gettin' the Drawls

As I sit back and look at the state of Hollywood I just have to bow my head. There are so many cornball's in the industry and they are getting the drawls like its nothing. I can only diagnose this as an outbreak of Lunacy going around. Lets examine this situation:

Case #1 Ray J. He has been linked to quite a few, but is best known for his fling with Kim Kardashian. She just so happens to be dating the oh so handsome Reggie Bush, but sadly has Ray J. attached to her resume. Damn shame! What's worse is that Ray J. has a semi-hit out now so there are certain women who will be fooled into thinking that he is now eligible to get their drawls. Most recently Ray has been linked to Whitney Houston. This all but confirms my belief that Whit is still on that stuff. I know she looks good and all but I still see signs of Crackheadedness! So to all of the women in Hollywood remember, Ray J. is the cornball who is always and forevermore going to be known as "Brandy's Brother", he brought you the hit "Wait -A-Minute", and attempted to be thugged out by signing to Death Row Records. Do you want that kind of Lamo on your resume of Man Candy?

Case # 2 Nick Cannon. It just doesn't get any cornier. Yet he has somehow climbed up the Jacob's ladder and landed in the bed with Christina Milian, Selita Ebanks, and now allegedly Mariah Carey. One for sure sign that he is corny is that he is always proposing to somebody. What's the rush Nick? I mean does he carry extra rings around in his pocket just in case he might get lucky? For all you desperados out there who are dying to get married Nick Cannon is your man. He will wife you in a week. However, if you are anything like me, and thine eyes have seen the Glory of the coming of the Lord and Drumline, you know this is not a good look. Mariah I implore you to remember this is the same man who recorded the tune Gigalo, but did not have one pimp bone in his body as stated in said song!

Case #3 My Baby Daddy otherwise known as BD- I know BD sounds like some sort of venereal disease, however when you bestow this name on the father of your child that is the point. I have to say he was the real reason this topic came into fruition. I know you are saying to yourself, I thought you knew better Mme. Editor. Well every Salmon has to learn how to swim up stream. So anyhow he sends me a text last night that says "Thanks for the birthday shout out!" For a minute it took me for a loop because I know I didn't send him a birthday nothing. I was certain that there had to be an attack of lunacy going around. First of all I thought I told you to never contact me again. Secondly its been some years since I last said anything to you regarding the worst day of the year (his birthday). Lastly, that is how you got the name BD because I can't stand you and wouldn't wish you a Happy Birthday if Bobby Brown was threatening to kiss me with his twisted lips. Then it hit me, "Oh this is his stab at trying to be sarcastic!" Maybe? So I one up him in true ME fashion and respond with "Thanks for the parental support!" Needless to say I rolled over and went to sleep and he is probably still marinating on my text right this moment. Every time I think about the fact that Mr. Cornball got the drawls, I try desperately, though unsuccessfully, to give myself a roundhouse kick to the face.