Off the Wall

Words Can't express the emotions at the loss of an icon. My childhood hero: Michael Jackson.

He was more than a person he was an event. I can remember a time when a Michael Jackson video was like a movie premier. Everyone had to see it. Whether it be Thriller, Bad, or my personal favorite Remember the Times!

As a former dancer I was always enamored with Michael's moves and the choreography of his video's. I waited for the moment he would introduce the dance world to a knew move that we had yet to learn. The choreography which was often time simple yet difficult was the highlight of my life. Although a lot of the choreography was easy he made it look like it was the most difficult task to learn because he was so eloquent and smooth. He had charisma!

I wish he knew how much he was appreciated before he left this earth. The media wanted to turn him into a monster because he was different and they didn't get it. They lifted him up and then kicked him down. Some fell for it. But in the end he prevailed because his true fans knew the humanitarian Michael who did so much for people all over this planet, and who moved a race of black people from the side bar to the top of the music and video charts. We love you Michael!

You Can't Handle the Truth

Dear Readers of the Shiznit,

It is with sadness that I tell you Honesty has passed away. No one tells the truth anymore. Life is now all about what's the best lie you can tell. And since today is Top 10 Tuesday we are going to give a list of the Top lies we've heard in 09'! Lies are the new truth if you will? With a grief stricken heart here goes:

1. 30 cheese's and counting- I know sounds like a fallacy from the start. Well someone had the nerve to tell us that they make a mean 30 cheese lasagna. *Go on get your laughter out* Now come on, I can't even think of 30 cheeses off the top of my head, let alone 30 that I want to combine together in one pan of lasagna so that I can choke to death.

2. Real Estate Class- I had a fool look me straight in the eye and tell me he is about to start taking up Real Estate. Seems Harmless...........Rrright! Well we have three issues at hand a. He can't read and b. He's dumb as sh*t (not going to pass the class)

3. Stalked- This happens to be my favorite of the bunch. One of the Shiznit staffers former significant other recently called in to let us know that he was being stalked by Hype Williams. So I guess the recession has gotten to Hype too. Celeb's are so broke that they can't afford to pay Hype for their video's. Hence Hype isn't getting paid, so now he has time to stalk the fat curly haired ground hog who work's at Pizza Hut! Wow, what an amazing turn of events.

4. Long Hair don't care- So Mme. Chieftainess is off for her bi-weekly day of pampering. So as she is getting relaxed in the Shampoo bowl of her favorite Salon, the leather breath that is washing her hair starts going into how long her hair used to be. She actually said it was down to her gluteus maximus. Now mind you the texture and condition of the hair was a dead give away that leather breath was a habitual liar. There is no way on earth that her hair ever grew past her chin let alone her donk! To keep it short and sweet Your highness gave her a stern look in the eye and said "Look Frederick Douglass, I don't have time for this, here's ur complimentary tube of pink oil moisturizer. Now shut ur mouth when ur talking to me!"

5. Senior Model Moment- There was an elderly lady of 65 or so who reported to the Shiznit that she was the first black model on the cover of Vogue Magazine. Immediately we don't become starstruck because this is the business we are in. We know everything there is to know about Hollywood, and not once did a Miss Blank Blank from the Bahama's come across our radar as being the first black model on the cover of Vogue. Nor will she ever. Someone please have her checked for dementia because there is a severe attack of lunacy going around.

6. Cherokee Nation- Now this particular lie has actually gone on from decade to decade in the black community across the United States. One of our Shiznicious family members *I won't say whether it is the Mme. or DJ Anthology* insist that they have Indian in their family. Cherokee Indian to be exact. And your proof for this would be the Charcoal Black Lizzy ancestor with the porcupine like hair. There's no lie DNA can't fix! Also a PSA courtesy of the Shiznit: The Cherokee aren't the only Native American group in the US and they are not a Northeastern Tribe. Cut it out!

7. Cornucopia of Food- Every time a holiday pass a lady that is known in secret circles as Fat Meat, goes on to share with the Shiznit how much food she prepared for said Holiday. (i.e. Easter) Let's take a look at the list: Fried, baked, grilled, and Bbq'd Chicken, mashed taters, mac n cheese, ham, green beans, greens, fish, brisket, ribs, Hot dogs, hamburgers, lasagna, pasta salad, tuna salad, ice cream and about 20 cakes and pies. Come on now, who do you think your fooling. They don't even have that much of a variety at a Las Vegas buffet. When do you have time to cook all of this and who are you feeding? Now don't get me wrong Fat Meat who is all of 350lbs+ can put away some food, but damn she can't prepare all of that. Half of that stuff doesn't even go together.

8. Butter ain't nobody, that's jus my babydaddy- There is a close associate of the Shiznit who is dating someone who is an a$$hole! But said associate is so embarrassed that they always say they are going out dancing or to study. We here at the Shiznit attended said associates graduation, so uhhhhhhhh..........what are you studying? Man/Woman up and claim that futhermucker in the name of Jesu Christo! They ain't nobodies burden but your own.

9. It wasn't me- Just leave that song to Reggae Pop Star Shaggy, cause we at the Shiznit ain't trying to here all that. We saw you and him/her walking in the rain, you were holding hands and now it will never be the same. You know what you can do. Get on outta here with that alley cat coat wearing, hush puppy shoe wearing, crumbcake I saw you with cause you are dismissed! Silly rabbit didn't you know tricks was for kids! Wait, wait, snap back to it.......sometimes we take it so personal here at the Shiznit. *walking away shaking head, while singing Single Ladies*

10. The Devil is a liar- Someone told us that it was spring! And I deemed them down to the pits of hell for telling a lie like this. We don't even get spring anymore in DC. We just jump strait from Winter to Summer without a word of warning. So get out of my face and hop the next flight to China if you really want to know what spring looks like. Cause 30 days of rain ain't it! Meteorologist my a$$!

Stalker Shiz

You know today was supposed to be a different kinda day at the Shiznit! I don't know what exactly we were going to discuss, but definitely not stalkers and shiz! But I digress. Here we are! Now every great celeb has a stalker, so I guess we've arrived. Or shall I say her Chieftainess has arrived. Mme. Editor-in-Chief has a stalker and believe me you it's no laughing matter. She is trying to figure out how to deal with this. This particular stalker doesn't realize that they are a stalker. Let's do a run down of this stalker! I usually like to do top 10 list on Tuesday, but this list can't wait. How to know if you are a stalker?:

1. Constant Calls- Damn let someone call you for a change. And if they don't.... lose the number. This is not going to bring you closer to anyone. We are in a recession, no one can afford to talk these days. We at the Shiznit like to waste our much needed minutes on people we care about!Call the cops!

2. Constant Text- If you can't get through to a ringing phone, what makes you think you will get an appointment via texting. Where is that Do Not Text list when you need it! Block the number!

3. Trying to hang out- Now this may sound like normal behavior. True, if you are friends, but minor associates need not apply. No the difference. There are more important people out there, you just didn't make the cut buddy! Nolle Prosequi not granted!

4. Cyberchasing- Email, Myspace, Facebook, and twitter have done a great dis-service for celebs like us because now we are stalked electronically. Via the Web. It's hard out here with Lamo Joe's waiting to pounce on their prey. They just wait in the wings, lurking, watching your every move. Damn those friend requests. Time for a restraining order!

5. Ok I am so annoyed that I can't go on! Real Top 10 list coming tomorrow.

The Return of the Jedi

Well the staffers of the Shiznit have been on a rather extensive vacation. But guess what? We're back..........And we have so much to discuss, we aren't going to give it to you today. We beg your pardon on our hiatus, but we be needin rest sometimes. DJ Anthology has been cuttin the wheels of steel and having babies, and Mme Editor-in-Chief has been hitting the streets: soccer momming, travelling, and eating out! Oh and lest we forget, inaugurating! You know OUR inauguration party lasted for months! If you don't know what we mean by OUR then you aren't one of US!The social calendar was pretty tight but, we back.

By the way, here is the late staff congratulations to DJ Anthology and his leading lady on their new baby Connor. Shiznit write up on the butter bean coming soon.

In other news Mme. Editor-in-Chief just joined twitter. https://twitter.com/Mmeditorinchief

So follow her.........if you can keep up!

Dr. King tried to love somebody

I know you remember it like it was yesterday, a bunch of predictable has been's (Fat Boys, Stacy Lattisaw, James "JT" Taylor, etc.) with a few stars (Whitney Houston, Stephanie Mills) sprinkled here and there came together in honor of Dr. King and made a music video. May not seem special now, but back then the music video was pretty new on the scene and who better to Honor than Dr. King.

Now I know the man was much bigger than this video but there are a few things I need to point out:

The Fat Boys sweatsuits. I don't know what is more disturbing the fact that someone I know looks like Buffy (the Beatbox dude), or that they were really passing off the one size fits all sweat suits.

Whitney Houston's matching sweater and turban set. I mean who besides Whitney could match those items up with a lovely winter white and Merlot print.

New Edition rapping instead of singing. Where were they going with this? This wasn't Kings dream. Nope, I've heard it, didn't mention it not once.

Manudo: Who decided that they should be in this video? Maybe this was the little black boys and girls hanging out with little white boys and white girls element Dr. King was talking about in his speech! He said let freedom ring from various locations in the US, but not once did I hear him say Puerto Rico! Oh well.

Stephanie Mills and JT Taylor singing into each others bedroom eyes. Did these two get the memo that this wasn't your usual 80's ballad video, we are singing about peace, freedom, civil rights, and........Dr. King. Why are you gazing gazelle's looking off into the sunset? Huh?

I always wondered why Stacy Lattisaw's career never took off. But now I know, she had the voice of an angel, but the personality of an oyster.

Teena Marie was always down. She has had our backs over the years. Does she even like her own race? I don't recall her ever reaching out to them. Oh well lets take one for the team. The King team that is.

Dexter King in a music video period is just disturbing. Where were the other King kids? I am sure Yolanda would have had a more profound part in all of this.

Dr. King thanks for all you have done, except influence a bunch of mismatched fools to come together in your honor and create a low budget video. Everybody sing for Martin Luther King!

Cumpleanos Feliz

Happy Birthday to Madame Editor-in-Chief!

Chopped and Screwed

DMX and Jesse Jackson, Jr. you've officially been Chopped and Screwed. Didn't I warn you ignant futhermuckers, this was going to happen. Didn't you see our post on the little drummer boy? Don't say the Shiznit didn't warn you! Good people of the Shiz, watch as the dominoes fall. Week by week, for the next 4 years, a quota of lime light nigglets will be brought down to their knees! So all you negroes and negresses, watch your back. Don't let John Forte being pardoned fool you. That pardon was in exchange for a list of about 20 other nigglets wrapped up in a holiday box with a bow on it!

Let's start with DMX. This is just embarrassing. A drug addict hiding out in a foreclosed house that belongs to someone else. What on earth? Who reported him a bitter real estate agent? This is one brother who can't get a break.

Moving on! Jesse...Jesse! Why Jesse, Why? Hasn't your father done enough damage! Just when Barack comes along to clean it up for us, you go and do something like this. The media doesn't even refer to you by your name any more, they just call you by your FBI name Candidate #5! We don't even know who candidate #1,2,3, and 4 are! No, they have just plastered your black a$$ all over the news.